CFood (Caroline) and I are on indefinite radio silence until Sun and I can square shit away.
Sun and I work on our problems.
I must declare my love of Caroline and that truth! Sunni knows! She may yet read the messages! NO! I could not do that to Sun or CFood!
I'm in such pain... Box up Caroline! I can't! Sun must let me have something or I will lose both Sun and C.
I love both.
I'd rather risk secrecy if Sun will not allow contact.
I must declare my love of Caroline to Sunni. I cannot lie anymore. I must insist on some contact, with Sunni's permission and awareness. If she's whole in her mind, she may allow it. If Sunni denies contact, all contact in the new truth, then I will be terribly unfulfilled and will live a partial truth. "Love the one you're with." And I risk dying in a special way. But it will keep our marriage intact, or at least it will appear so right now.
But I still lose.
It may come to a point that I will venture out and see Caroline on the side, in an effort to keep me sane, so I may be well enough to keep my marriage intact. I know now that Caroline and I love each other. No turning back now. Sunni and I must face this together along side our other problems. I suppose Caroline is now a part of the problem, isn't she?
But C and I agreed to radio silence for a time, to put Sunni at top priority before Caroline. Now it's up to me to be honest to Sun about what I need moving forward. It's up to us to talk and come to terms that we can BOTH live with, or risk losing each other or seriously damaging trust.
What a situation! Why is life not so simple?! And is the risk of losing things a good reason not to try anything? I'm not trying to get away with or keep Sun in the dark at all. I took something too far, based on a love that has since returned. I, although now I know the not so easy restart of which, could not just turn away! Sun may never understand that, because it's a unique and bizarre thing. Both rare and disruptive to talk to a past LOVE, only to discover all over again that prior love is STILL a love. To not interfere your life with a long lost love, is a forbidden thing? No, Sun and I just need to discover if we can cope with this new challenge. But I would only say to myself and others that my story should act as a cautionary tale.
If you let go someone who you really loved, and they loved you, be careful resuming contact. Especially if you are already taken, you may find and, if one chooses to entertain the time to discover, that both of you STILL love one another. And if given more time to examine the lives they lead now, you may fall in love with them as they are now ALL OVER AGAIN! AND THEY YOU!
Which is exactly what has happened here!
Deep, time invested examination always brings about doubt, questions and motivation to either be tempted for a different life, or reinforce the goodness and love that you already have. Can the two mesh or not? I've made my linear choice in time. Now.... I must cope and move on! Better to grow in the experience, rather than not have tried at all!
Wow!
Did I think that what I have (Sunni) is worth risking? I only wish I would risk jeopardizing her for what I want with Caroline.
Sun and I work on our problems.
I must declare my love of Caroline and that truth! Sunni knows! She may yet read the messages! NO! I could not do that to Sun or CFood!
I'm in such pain... Box up Caroline! I can't! Sun must let me have something or I will lose both Sun and C.
I love both.
I'd rather risk secrecy if Sun will not allow contact.
I must declare my love of Caroline to Sunni. I cannot lie anymore. I must insist on some contact, with Sunni's permission and awareness. If she's whole in her mind, she may allow it. If Sunni denies contact, all contact in the new truth, then I will be terribly unfulfilled and will live a partial truth. "Love the one you're with." And I risk dying in a special way. But it will keep our marriage intact, or at least it will appear so right now.
But I still lose.
It may come to a point that I will venture out and see Caroline on the side, in an effort to keep me sane, so I may be well enough to keep my marriage intact. I know now that Caroline and I love each other. No turning back now. Sunni and I must face this together along side our other problems. I suppose Caroline is now a part of the problem, isn't she?
But C and I agreed to radio silence for a time, to put Sunni at top priority before Caroline. Now it's up to me to be honest to Sun about what I need moving forward. It's up to us to talk and come to terms that we can BOTH live with, or risk losing each other or seriously damaging trust.
What a situation! Why is life not so simple?! And is the risk of losing things a good reason not to try anything? I'm not trying to get away with or keep Sun in the dark at all. I took something too far, based on a love that has since returned. I, although now I know the not so easy restart of which, could not just turn away! Sun may never understand that, because it's a unique and bizarre thing. Both rare and disruptive to talk to a past LOVE, only to discover all over again that prior love is STILL a love. To not interfere your life with a long lost love, is a forbidden thing? No, Sun and I just need to discover if we can cope with this new challenge. But I would only say to myself and others that my story should act as a cautionary tale.
If you let go someone who you really loved, and they loved you, be careful resuming contact. Especially if you are already taken, you may find and, if one chooses to entertain the time to discover, that both of you STILL love one another. And if given more time to examine the lives they lead now, you may fall in love with them as they are now ALL OVER AGAIN! AND THEY YOU!
Which is exactly what has happened here!
Deep, time invested examination always brings about doubt, questions and motivation to either be tempted for a different life, or reinforce the goodness and love that you already have. Can the two mesh or not? I've made my linear choice in time. Now.... I must cope and move on! Better to grow in the experience, rather than not have tried at all!
Wow!
Did I think that what I have (Sunni) is worth risking? I only wish I would risk jeopardizing her for what I want with Caroline.