"GGG" - good, giving and game, coined by Dan Savage. Good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure and game for anything, consensual and within reason. ETA direct from the interwebs: "good, giving and game" means one should strive to be good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure to one's partner, and game for anything, within reason.
Interesting definition added by Shawn: Pyrrhic - Won at too great a cost to have been worthwhile for the victor.
11:00am - 2:20pm
A few short blinks.
Caroline, for real!
I can't believe it. Yes, I can, because it was real. Caroline and I arranged to meet at an old pond/park from ourselves of yore.
A hug. Long, comfy hug. She just held on. My dear Caroline! Ahh. She's beautiful, Caroline!
I just gazed at her for a minute. My God, she's right in front of me, her warm radiant self!
Went to a park bench, small talked and gazed some more at each other.
We sat tight, nestled together like two old friends... but that tension of the lost "us" forever present. Felt good to touch her again, her warmth. She's a beautiful, radiant, wise mother to two kids, wife to a good husband. I am so overjoyed and "filled" as she put it, to be part of her life.
We held hands, like a gentle glove, one in another, familiar and real.
!
We both want to somehow annex our lives into each other's. Connection is permanent, but still not totally inclusive. So, how?
Her husband, has been more acclimated to my presence in Caroline's life than Sunni is with Caroline in mine. How to do this? Start small, be honest, but this must be addressed. My true feelings... How can we cope? What are we willing to do?
Would Sunni be OK with even knowing our email exchange? I do know that Caroline and I are bound by some un-relatable bond. Note: Ask Caroline the other fraternity pledge book questions.
I still fantasize about Caroline in all ways: sexually, musically, spiritually, etc.
But damn, she told me something that filled in a huge piece of the puzzle and is what helped contribute to her younger self pulling away from me. She confessed that in early 2004, she was raped!
Oh! Oh my.... I was filled with such sorrow! Oh Caroline! My dear Caroline! I squeezed her tight!
I nearly cried when she finally left. When will the next meeting be?
I finally understand what she wants from us. Clarity we have given, our past is clean, our present is bittersweet, but we are forever bonded. But how will this bond take form? Email can't be it! A friend so close as her to me MUST be shared with Sunni. It must.
How can I cleave one from me without dying!!? If I cut Caroline out totally, I'll be cutting out a treasured piece of me. Her love for me is unexplainable! Even by her own words today. I must be allowed to keep her at some level, lest I be tortured by my dreams again! I can't just bury her. If Sunni forces me to cut off Caroline by threat of loss, then I will have to give Caroline only that which Sunni will tolerate. If nothing can be tolerated, then I will be miserable, because I LOVE TWO PEOPLE! Caroline AND Sunni!
How to blend: (Sunni + [Shawn] + [Caroline] + Ben + squids)
But, as Caroline and I both acknowledged, what would Sunni and Ben think of seeing us together, sharing intimate time together, as so in the park today? Ben is unassuming in a sweet naive way, which Caroline enjoys, and she has the upper hand in the relationship. So Caroline usually gets what Caroline wants. She's very good like that.
Would Ben be OK with us today?
Sunni would likely not be OK of her present awareness of me and Caroline. I think Sunni would be very uncomfortable with that! But I know that I want her to be happy! I suppose the question is, is it possible to build two houses? Or must all parties live under one house? I only wish. Can trust sustain with "on the side" actions? But what if the "on the side" actions are in the open? Only then can those be dealt with. I CAN'T build another life with anyone else without giving up the one I have or annexing them together under the "one life" umbrella.
But with Caroline, it's different. I can't build a life with her. I already have one with Sunni. But I do want to share my life with Sunni with Caroline. Caroline wishes the same.
"Two husbands?" But not two lives. They must be one - open and integrated, or something must go. Well, I made a choice and a promise to that choice. So how to love both?
Share in the open. Sharing! I'm not going to lie. I love PERSONAL time with Caroline. Would this be possible, even under the "friends" motive!? I must see her again!
Caroline was so afraid that I would be totally let down by the real her. Perhaps my thoughts built up an image about her that she could not compete with. Actually, she only made what was in my mind more real. I have at least something, and that helps tremendously! The gap between the image of her and her in the real became much closer and more in accord. It helped me greatly. I want to know her more as life itself, not just dwelling on what was anymore! She is her, now! I want to know her NOW!
"I miss you in a deep way" she said. "I want you in my garden." "I can see myself bound to you, even today," we both said this. "I will forever miss and pine for you." ME TOO!
I do fantasize about making love to her since we both wanted it and we both ran from it. I KNOW SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY! HERE IS TO DISCOVERING US IN THE NOW! Totally us. In the open. Journey of 1000 steps.
She told me of the rape in an effort to tell me that this was a huge contributing factor to pulling away and feeling the need to "do the right thing" by getting married and starting the "mormon" life. Oh! I break open for her!
She reaffirmed that she wished she made a different choice, the one in which our lives would be together. Now I know why she hurried into Ben's very "Return Missionary" arms. That beast who violated her!
"I want you in my garden," looking into my eyes she said those words! Me too! You are in the center of my frequencies! Caroline's next return to Utah, April 20 - 27.
Interesting definition added by Shawn: Pyrrhic - Won at too great a cost to have been worthwhile for the victor.
11:00am - 2:20pm
A few short blinks.
Caroline, for real!
I can't believe it. Yes, I can, because it was real. Caroline and I arranged to meet at an old pond/park from ourselves of yore.
A hug. Long, comfy hug. She just held on. My dear Caroline! Ahh. She's beautiful, Caroline!
I just gazed at her for a minute. My God, she's right in front of me, her warm radiant self!
Went to a park bench, small talked and gazed some more at each other.
We sat tight, nestled together like two old friends... but that tension of the lost "us" forever present. Felt good to touch her again, her warmth. She's a beautiful, radiant, wise mother to two kids, wife to a good husband. I am so overjoyed and "filled" as she put it, to be part of her life.
We held hands, like a gentle glove, one in another, familiar and real.
!
We both want to somehow annex our lives into each other's. Connection is permanent, but still not totally inclusive. So, how?
Her husband, has been more acclimated to my presence in Caroline's life than Sunni is with Caroline in mine. How to do this? Start small, be honest, but this must be addressed. My true feelings... How can we cope? What are we willing to do?
Would Sunni be OK with even knowing our email exchange? I do know that Caroline and I are bound by some un-relatable bond. Note: Ask Caroline the other fraternity pledge book questions.
I still fantasize about Caroline in all ways: sexually, musically, spiritually, etc.
But damn, she told me something that filled in a huge piece of the puzzle and is what helped contribute to her younger self pulling away from me. She confessed that in early 2004, she was raped!
Oh! Oh my.... I was filled with such sorrow! Oh Caroline! My dear Caroline! I squeezed her tight!
I nearly cried when she finally left. When will the next meeting be?
I finally understand what she wants from us. Clarity we have given, our past is clean, our present is bittersweet, but we are forever bonded. But how will this bond take form? Email can't be it! A friend so close as her to me MUST be shared with Sunni. It must.
How can I cleave one from me without dying!!? If I cut Caroline out totally, I'll be cutting out a treasured piece of me. Her love for me is unexplainable! Even by her own words today. I must be allowed to keep her at some level, lest I be tortured by my dreams again! I can't just bury her. If Sunni forces me to cut off Caroline by threat of loss, then I will have to give Caroline only that which Sunni will tolerate. If nothing can be tolerated, then I will be miserable, because I LOVE TWO PEOPLE! Caroline AND Sunni!
How to blend: (Sunni + [Shawn] + [Caroline] + Ben + squids)
But, as Caroline and I both acknowledged, what would Sunni and Ben think of seeing us together, sharing intimate time together, as so in the park today? Ben is unassuming in a sweet naive way, which Caroline enjoys, and she has the upper hand in the relationship. So Caroline usually gets what Caroline wants. She's very good like that.
Would Ben be OK with us today?
Sunni would likely not be OK of her present awareness of me and Caroline. I think Sunni would be very uncomfortable with that! But I know that I want her to be happy! I suppose the question is, is it possible to build two houses? Or must all parties live under one house? I only wish. Can trust sustain with "on the side" actions? But what if the "on the side" actions are in the open? Only then can those be dealt with. I CAN'T build another life with anyone else without giving up the one I have or annexing them together under the "one life" umbrella.
But with Caroline, it's different. I can't build a life with her. I already have one with Sunni. But I do want to share my life with Sunni with Caroline. Caroline wishes the same.
"Two husbands?" But not two lives. They must be one - open and integrated, or something must go. Well, I made a choice and a promise to that choice. So how to love both?
Share in the open. Sharing! I'm not going to lie. I love PERSONAL time with Caroline. Would this be possible, even under the "friends" motive!? I must see her again!
Caroline was so afraid that I would be totally let down by the real her. Perhaps my thoughts built up an image about her that she could not compete with. Actually, she only made what was in my mind more real. I have at least something, and that helps tremendously! The gap between the image of her and her in the real became much closer and more in accord. It helped me greatly. I want to know her more as life itself, not just dwelling on what was anymore! She is her, now! I want to know her NOW!
"I miss you in a deep way" she said. "I want you in my garden." "I can see myself bound to you, even today," we both said this. "I will forever miss and pine for you." ME TOO!
I do fantasize about making love to her since we both wanted it and we both ran from it. I KNOW SHE FEELS THE SAME WAY! HERE IS TO DISCOVERING US IN THE NOW! Totally us. In the open. Journey of 1000 steps.
She told me of the rape in an effort to tell me that this was a huge contributing factor to pulling away and feeling the need to "do the right thing" by getting married and starting the "mormon" life. Oh! I break open for her!
She reaffirmed that she wished she made a different choice, the one in which our lives would be together. Now I know why she hurried into Ben's very "Return Missionary" arms. That beast who violated her!
"I want you in my garden," looking into my eyes she said those words! Me too! You are in the center of my frequencies! Caroline's next return to Utah, April 20 - 27.